Troy

I just came out of watching Troy. If you haven't seen the movie, I strongly advise you not to. But if you are a stubborn person, go ahead and stop reading my review now, as it will be full of spoilers. However, if you have read Homer's Iliad before then what I will write about the movie should not be spoilers. Ah whatever, go read but don't sue me afterwards.

Troy is based on Homer's Iliad. I haven't read Iliad yet, but I am sure that the book is much better than this movie. Actually, that story does not deserve a movie as crap as this one. It's one of those movies where I couldn't wait for the end, and when the end came I wished I did better things with the 3 hours I just wasted.

Anyway, the Trojan princes - Hector and Paris - are visiting the King of Sparta, Menolaus, for a peace mission. While on mission, Paris shags Helen of Sparta, the wife of Menolaus. Even worse, Paris then takes Helen to Troy. Menolaus is pissed at Paris and seeks revenge with the help of his brother, King Agamemnon. Agamemnon conjures a Greek army, including Achilles and sets off to Troy for revenge. Paris confronts Menolaus and shows that he is a wuss. Hector kills Menolaus. Achilles doesn't like Agamemnon. Agamemnon just wants Troy and doesn't care for Helen. Hector is protecting his country. Achilles falls for Bresaias, Hector's cousin. Hector kills Achilles' cousin. Achilles goes after Hector. King Priam asks Achilles for Hector's body. The Greek build a horse. The Trojans take the horse. Troy falls. Achilles gets an arch in his heel. The end.

Did you get the story? It's actually simple. But all the bad acting, the bad effects, unnecessary details, forgotten things and Brad Pitt's muscles just distracts the attention from the story. It even has other movies intertwine in it. Paris suddenly becomes Legolas with his arch and bow. Boromir, eh, Oddyseus leads an army. Menolaus moves his light sabre, eh, sword, just like Darth Vader. Even Brad Pitt - who is a good actor (12 Monkeys, Fight Club) - becomes a one-dimensional character.

Everything was overdone. This is supposed to be a myth written by Homer, one of the greatest writers ever. But Wolfgang Peterson made it look as if Homer Simpson came up with the story. Wolfgang Peterson should be banned of making a movie again. Ever.